Try Again

This past week has been one of the most difficult of my life. Since our disappointment last Tuesday, I have found it really tough to get motivated. All the comments we received on my post, All the Feelings of a Miscarriage, really helped us through a difficult time. We found them so supportive but I think both of us thought we could just pick up where we left off without giving ourselves time to grieve for what we had lost. We finally did that at the weekend. Grace was out on Saturday so Ross and I sat together, watched a weepy film and ate lots of biscuits. I stayed in my onesie all day (I never do that!). We did something similar on Easter Sunday. We ate lots of chocolate, watched two films and had a delicious Sunday roast. We then played rock band! The perfect family day.

I knew this had helped because on Monday I woke up with a whole new attitude. This wasn’t going to beat us, it wasn’t going to beat me. I had told Ross over the weekend that I was going to get fitter, stronger and healthier but what was the point in putting it off any longer? The hormones and medication I had been taking had been putting some weight on me. I was 10lbs heavier than when we had started the process. My first goal is to get rid of this. Then I want to get my weight down even further. I am determined to have a BMI of 21. This is apparently the optimum for conceiving. But, more importantly, I want to be as fit as I was 4 years ago. 

Try Again

A part of me is lost
Wondering, meandering
Pull myself out of this
I must

They don’t mean a thing
What ifs, maybes
They have no place right here
In reality

Defeat has looked us in the eye
Setbacks, failures
But we won’t surrender
Not us

Now we must reassemble
Conservation, self-preservation
Things which seemed so big
Now trivial

Turning focus to improvement
Renewal, rejuvenation
Better, fitter, stronger
Try again

Victoria Welton 30th March 2016

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31 Comments

  1. July 3, 2016 / 5:16 pm

    Still playing catch up but you know my thoughts were, and still are, with you.

    Love the strength and determination in this xox

  2. April 8, 2016 / 10:32 pm

    Vicky, I’m not going to overwhelm you with too much sympathy. Instead I’m going to say that you’re clearly flipping your loss on its head to a degree, and turning it into motivation, positivity and determination for the next step x All the very best.
    Carol Cameleon recently posted..The World of Sylvanian Families ToysMy Profile

  3. April 7, 2016 / 10:56 pm

    I’m glad you gave yourself some time to grieve lovely lady. Determination, resilience and strength shine through in your poem x

  4. April 3, 2016 / 4:34 pm

    I’m so so sorry it didn’t work and I think you did the right thing with allowing yourself to grieve properly and rest. I remember, from my time, it hit physically as well as emotionally. Thinking of you lots xx

  5. April 3, 2016 / 4:19 pm

    I’m so pleased to read this. I’ve been thinking of you, and the strength that comes through in this poem is inspirational. Sending love. Thank you so much for sharing the next step of your journey with #ThePrompt x

  6. April 2, 2016 / 8:52 am

    Your poem is so moving and so inspirational at the same time, I had a few tears welling up as I read it. I’m so glad to hear you are feeling more positive, its such a challenging thing to recover from (have been there myself). Oh, and don’t feel the need to read or comment on my latest link up to #Prose4T – its a bit baby orientated (if I’d have known what you were going through I wouldn’t have chosen to link this one up, feels a bit insensitive now). Much love and good wishes to you for the future x

  7. April 2, 2016 / 5:00 am

    So, so sorry to hear your sad news, but admire the fighting talk and thoughts of your poem and wish you strength as you step forward. Hugs from afar x

  8. April 1, 2016 / 4:48 pm

    Sounds like your easter weekend was just what you needed. So glad you’re feeling more positive. xx #theprompt

  9. April 1, 2016 / 10:54 am

    Picking yourself up and starting again isn’t always easy. I’m glad you have the strength to so and your positivity is inspirational. x

  10. April 1, 2016 / 9:14 am

    Your strength and determination shine through in this poem. Beautifully written as always but with a real core of steel. Glad to hear you are fighting on with extra determination.

  11. April 1, 2016 / 8:30 am

    I’m glad you took the time to grieve, Vic. It’s important to do. There are times you need to shut out the world and restore your spirit. Sounds like your weekend did the trick, your strength and positivity shines through. Much love xxx
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  12. March 31, 2016 / 2:54 pm

    You are a strong and determined lady! You’ve been through so much and tt was definitely important for you to take those couple of days out, but it’s great to read about your positive attitude.

  13. Patrice
    March 31, 2016 / 11:46 am

    Vicky, I’ve nominated you for the MAD writer of the year. I nominated you because your messages have been honest, raw and human. Best of luck for your journey forward and for the blog competition as well. : ) ps Love your glamorous picture on your About Me page. : )

  14. March 31, 2016 / 8:12 am

    I’m glad you had such a nurturing weekend. I love the resolution in your poem. It is very strong and so, clearly, are you

  15. March 30, 2016 / 9:56 pm

    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I didn’t spot your previous post. I am sending you loads of virtual hugs. xxx

  16. March 30, 2016 / 9:10 pm

    Sending you loads of love and strength. It’s good that you and Ross had that time on the weekend and I’m glad that Monday brought with it a renewed feeling of positivity for moving forward. It sounds like some time to grieve was truly beneficial. Good luck with your goals and everything else moving forward xx

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