35 Funny Things You Will Say As A Parent

I don’t know about you, but since I became a parent I find myself saying the most funny things! I am absolutely certain that, after I had Grace, I basically turned into my own mum. I could hear her sayings in my ear and started to use them myself. The only one I don’t think I use is ‘I can’t see a dicky bird’ (a memory of me and my siblings bursting into laughter as my mum said this whilst reversing the car!) but that is probably because I haven’t found the need for it yet!

I came to forget these ‘mumisms’ as Grace got bigger but now they have returned with a vengeance since having Rex – plus, with added ‘mum of boy’ sayings! The thing I find most prominent is ‘ Get that [insert type of toy here] off of your willy’ whilst changing his nappy. As a result, I asked some of my blogging chums to share some of the sayings that they use as a parent.

Sit back with a cuppa and enjoy the funny things you will say as a parent!

‘Please stop licking the lamppost!’ Someone’s Mum

‘Please don’t stretch your brother’s penis!’ Meet The Wildes

‘Don’t poke your willy through the stairgate!’ Ready Freddie Go

‘Don’t put that chip up your nose again!’ Then There Were Three

‘Because I said so!’ Emma Reed

‘If you don’t tidy these toys up, they’re going in the bin!’ – or is that just me? (Nope, definitely me too! :Ed) Emily and Indiana

‘That is definitely not chocolate’ ?? Nora and Co

‘No, you can’t drink ketchup out of the bottle!’ and ‘Stop washing your hands in the toilet!’ Le Coin de Mel

‘Which one of you has been eating the dog biscuits???!’ Five Little Doves

‘Don’t use killing curses on your sister!’ Champagne & Petals

‘If you don’t brush your teeth, the tooth monster will come in the night and remove them!’ as well as ‘Stop using your brother as a football!’ I say this too many times… Motherhood Diaries

‘My house, my rules!’ Happy Mummy

‘I want, never gets!’ Jacintaz Three

‘Well life’s not fair!’ Plus, my personal favourite from last week ‘Do not put that fork in your vagina!!!’ Free From Farmhouse

‘Beds are for sleeping on, not for jumping on!’ Susan K Mann

‘No, we can’t buy that. I’m not made of money’ is one of many ‘dadisms’ that I’ve found my self saying. Wrote a post on it here 🙂 The DADVenturer

‘No, the lumps below your willy are not peas!’ This one was quite a few years back now! Also, whilst in bed with a hangover one morning ‘It is not OK to mix potions whilst I am sleeping.’ Thank God it was only water, orange juice, shampoo and fairy liquid she mixed! I’ve never had a heavy nights drinking since, that was 7 years ago! Mummy From The Heart

We co-sleep so…. ‘Please don’t wee on my head, go to the toilet!’ Mama Mei and Yorkshire Families

‘Stop licking the bin!’ I have said more times than I can remember to my 3 year old. Hitchen’s Kitchen

‘Put down the gun!’ (more than once) as well as ‘Get your hands out of your bottom!’ Mad About The Boys

‘Please stop putting your hands in the toilet!’ and ‘No, we can’t take your sister back to the hospital!’ The Less-Refined Mind

‘What do you MEAN you can only find one shoe?!’ Absolutely Prabulous

‘Stop kicking the dog!’ … used daily!! Two Hearts, One Roof

Bearing in mind we only have two children ‘If neither of you took the last custard cream, and it wasn’t your Dad – was it the cats?!’ You can replace custard cream with pretty much any sweet item in the food cupboard on a daily basis! Kiddy Charts

Saying ‘socks , shoes, teeth’ on repeat until your blue in the face every school day …. ever The Cheshire Wife

‘No that isn’t our dog barking, it’s my daughter who wishes she was a dog!’ Helpful Mum

‘Yes my noo noo IS supposed to have hair on it!’ Motherhood: The Real Deal

‘No sweetheart I’m fine, I didn’t break my willy off, Mummy is OK – I don’t need making better’ ? Arthurwears

‘Leave your willy alone!’ as well as ‘Stop climbing on the sofas it’s not a soft play area in here!’ Growing Clan

Big thanks to all my blogger friends for sharing! It seems that I am not alone in the willy sayings! Do you have any funny things to add? I would love to hear them in the comments below.

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