It is no secret on this blog that Ross and I were trying for Rex for nearly 6 years. It meant that our physical relationship became stifled and rather unnatural. We had to time everything at just the right point and, of course, having Grace around some of the time didn’t help the process. So how has it affect our sex life after kids?
No thanks to lockdown. Because of this, it has been even harder to maintain a physical relationship. Add Ross’ illness and my menopause into the mix and it could be a recipe for disaster.
So, if you are having a difficult time maintaining some sort of sex life, here are some tips which may help you.
Nurture the Relationship
One of the most important things to do after children is to take the time to nurture your individual physical and emotional needs. This will then ensure you are able to do the same for your relationship too. You don’t want you and your partner’s time together ending up as another task on the to-do list.
Be Clear About Expectations
Some couples tend to avoid physical touch because they are concerned that it may be interpreted as a signal that they want to have sex, even if they don’t. Simply stating how you’re feeling as well as how you would like to be intimate can your partner with a better understanding of your feelings.
Date nights really do help. It also helps that our 13 year old is able to put our 3 year old to bed – so that is a definite benefit for us. It means that a Friday night means sitting out on our lounger in the garden with a bottle of wine and a chat. It means that we can relax, discuss our relationship where necessary. We can also look at the physical needs for each other and look at where they are being met.
Intimacy can decline if you don’t feel emotionally connected with your partner. To help this, it is important to make time for your other half and treat them as a priority in your life. This isn’t always easy if there are so many demands on you but it could be as simple as just talking about your day from a personal perspective rather than the kids or work for 10 minutes before bed, or sending each other text message or email updates throughout the day.
Consider the Others needs
Whilst it is important to express your own needs, you also need to be mindful of your partner and what they want too. It is best to discuss it with them. How do they see their physical relationship going forward with you. Does it involve intimacy toys? Would they like you to wear something specific? Would they like to try something new?
Giving this sort of attention also makes it more likely that you’ll receive the same care and consideration and get your needs met in return.
Be Willing to Compromise
As I have said above, intimacy doesn’t always mean sex. It can take on many different forms. Sharing quality time talking, playing a board game or watching a film are some of the things we enjoy. We even find it in cleaning the kitchen or cooking together.
The more you focus on the smaller acts of intimacy on a more frequent basis, the emotional connection with each other will start to improve and, along with that, so will the more intimate moments.