How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

*Remunerated Post*

We all want to improve our self-esteem. We crave the self-assured confidence that some people just seem to have whenever they walk into a room. But the truth is, building greater self-confidence is a challenge for many people. It can be hard to do when many things in our lives work to shut down our self-confidence.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. It can be shaped by our childhood experiences, our relationships, messages we see in media, and any number of other things in our lives. Because of the complex nature of self-esteem, it can be difficult to understand and change. By using resources like BetterHelp and developing intentional strategies, you can start to build a closer and more loving relationship with yourself.

Challenge Your Negative Beliefs

In order to identify your beliefs about yourself, it can be helpful to write out negative thoughts when you have them. Once you identify your negative beliefs, try to challenge them. Look for evidence against those statements, and get curious about what kind of negative thought patterns you may be engaging in.

Negative thought patterns can include catastrophizing (imagining the worst), magnifying the negatives in your life, jumping to conclusions, or overgeneralizing (thoughts like “Everyone hates me”). We often engage in these negative thought patterns without even realizing it. They can be extremely harmful to your self-esteem.

As you think about your negative beliefs, it’s also good to identify positive beliefs. What do you like about yourself? What good things have others said about you? This can help you not get stuck in a spiral of negative thinking.

Get to Know Yourself

Many of us focus a lot of our thoughts and activities on our perceptions of others. We may engage in certain social activities because our friends like them, cook the foods our partners like to eat or pursue careers because our families approve of it. Often this happens without us even noticing. However, lacking a sense of self can cause low self-esteem.

As you work on thinking better thoughts about yourself, it’s also important to value yourself like you would another person. Get to know yourself. What do you like to do? What would you want to do if no one else was around? Try setting aside some time for the things you love without any other goal or intention behind it. This can be a great step to building a better relationship with yourself.

Learn to Be Kind to Yourself

This can be surprisingly difficult. Our cultures often teach us that guilt, shame, and being hard on ourselves are the keys to improving. However, this is not generally the case. Instead of leading us to do better, pushing ourselves can often cause us to lose motivation or get stuck in spirals of negative thought and behavioral patterns.

When you notice that critical voice in your head, try giving yourself compassion like you would any other friend. Imagine what you would tell a friend in the same situation. Question your own narratives. Did you not get everything done today because you’re a failure or simply because your to-do list was impossibly long?

Practice Self-Love

Self-love has become somewhat of a buzzword, so it’s essential to look beyond the surface. The first step to self-love is often learning to do nice things for yourself. Take a break, buy yourself something nice, or take yourself out to dinner. While treating yourself will not automatically build a better relationship with yourself, it can help you understand what it feels like to be valued.

When engaging in self-love practices, try thinking about the ideas behind them. Take yourself out to dinner, not just to have a nice meal, but to enjoy your own company. Buy yourself something nice to learn how to take up space and believe that you deserve good things. With thought and intention behind them, these practices can become a base for deeper strategies to build a better relationship with yourself.

Build Supportive Relationships

Our relationships can have a significant impact on the way that we think about ourselves. If the people around us tell us that we are failures or worthless, we are likely to internalize those beliefs. By the same token, if our lives are filled with people who support us, we are more likely to think better of ourselves.

A crucial part of building better self-esteem is not just doing work on your own but working to develop supportive relationships. A good relationship should be mutually supportive, meaning that both you and the other person support each other. Start by thinking about the relationships you currently have. Are they supporting you? Are there ways that you could be supportive or encourage another person to be?