Grace is currently on half term – plus she had an inset day last Friday when we went to stay with my mum for a couple of nights. It means that she has spent a lot of time with both Ross and I but, the other day, Grace told me that she needed to go back to school. She explained that she was feeling very clingy towards me and that may be she needed a bit of time away just to make sure that she wasn’t feeling like she was being too babyish…and… I got it. I knew exactly what she meant.
As she was going to bed that evening, Grace was in tears and, as her mum, I found it hard to leave her to go to sleep on her own. I comforted her as much as I could and I explained to her that there have been many times through my life when I suddenly felt that I needed my mum. That I wanted to be a child again and for her to make all the nasty stuff go away. Less so these days but I told her that I understood this feeling that drove deep into the pit of your tummy.
The Feeling of Detachment
The emptiness, the coldness it chills me to my bones
I want my independence, yet I don’t want to be alone
The feeling of detachment feels just like ice and snow
I know I’m self-reliant, yet I don’t want to let you go
If only I were a child again, you would always be there for me
Sometimes I just need you there, despite the fact I’m free
This adult-responsibility is something that suddenly appeared
I do like being in control, but it’s also something that I feared
I want the comfort of my mum, but I want my latitude
I have no choice now, I need conviction in my fortitude
I know one day I can’t count on my mother and her cuddles
But I will remember her wise words to get me through my troubles
Victoria Welton 15th February 2017