Way back at the beginning of 2013 I made the finals in two sets of blogging awards. One of them was for Video at the Brilliance in Blogging Awards. I can remember finding it all a bit overwhelming and I felt a bit like a rabbit caught in the headlights! I never started a blog for all of this…I never knew this community existed. I was over the moon and I can distinctly remember as it was my first time at BritMums Live. It was also my first time in the finals of a blogging award ceremony. I felt nervous for the whole of that Friday and found it hard to focus when I knew the awards were being presented that evening. I was determined to win of course and can remember feeling utterly gutted when I didn’t. I thought I wouldn’t care..but I did. I cared because I love what I do and I guess, if I didn’t, this blog wouldn’t have carried on being written. One thing I wish from back then is that I had continued with my vlogging but I put it to one side and carried on regardless. To me though, things happen for a reason.
I have been shortlisted in the BiBs 5 times and now, 3 years on, I once again find myself in the Video shortlist. It would be an honour to make the finals for a second time. It would be a massive achievement if, this time, I won my first ever award. However, the video category is very different for me now. I used to share videos about what was coming up on my blog that week and have a bit of a chat. I would share funny interviews with Grace. It was all very light-hearted. Now I have learned so much more. Now I have a different reason to vlog. Now I understand the power of a video.
Back in September 2015 I started to record The Conception Diaries. At the time I wasn’t sure if I was going to publish them but, come January 2016, I decided to bite the bullet and I am so glad I did. I now find myself using vlogging as a kind of comfort blanket. It’s a bit surreal really as it is an online voyeuristic diary which I don’t mind sharing with people. The feedback I get helps me to see that I am not alone. Trying to conceive – the feeling of infertility – can be a very lonely, soul-destroying one but when I get the positive comments, the ones that tell me to keep going, to not give up, well…that keeps spurring me on. It feels like those people have joined me on my journey and I am so glad to have them there with me.
I know the power of the written word and how strong it can be but nothing beats the raw emotion of trying to explain something verbally and having it written all over your face. There have been tears during my vlogs. There will be more in a few weeks when I explain our disappointment following the failure of our treatment. But I will carry on. Not just for me but for all the other people in my position. I have had messages from so many women. Not just bloggers, but messages from ladies who have connected with me because they are going through a similar thing. They have asked me questions. shared their stories with me and asked for advice. They have told me that my vlogs have made them laugh and cry, feel hopeful and happy, they have shared in our joy and in our pain and I feel like I have made a difference by helping them.
Would I like to win? Of course. I don’t believe any other blogger would tell you different. What I would like more though is to give you some good news on The Conception Diaries. That would be my biggest win. I can’t promise that right now but I can promise you that I will keep vlogging and sharing my thoughts and feelings, as will Ross.
Thank you to everyone who continues to follow our journey and for your support, kind words and encouragement. You really don’t know just how it all means to us (oh, and with voting ending on my birthday, the 18th May, that would be a great gift for me too! 😉 ).