Prose for Thought – My Facade

Hi everyone and welcome to this week’s Prose for Thought. Firstly, I would like to apologise for not getting round to everyone who linked up last week – I intend to make amends for that today and read and tweet last weeks links before I get on to this weeks! I will not let myself get that behind again.

Last weekend I went to the Save the Children Blogger Conference at their London Headquarters. I was invited by Chris Mosler of Thinly Spread who works with the charity. It was such a wonderfully inspiring day which I will share in another post – plus we will be helping them with launching a new campaign very soon. At the moment they are running a campaign called Change the Story. A fifth of 7 year olds who come from the poorer families in this country are behind with their reading. Ross and I read to Grace on a regular basis and we love books in this house – they are an important part of who we are. We regularly concern ourselves with Grace’s standard of reading and want to ensure that she never falls behind. Over on Save the Children’s Facebook page they have been changing the story to some well know fairy tales to help support the charity – this is the Post by Save the Children UK. Why not go over and support them?

This week has been hard for me. Really hard. You know how sometimes people try and show how ‘every thing is fine’ – well, I’m not doing so good. The song ‘Tears of a Clown’ is my tune right now. Nothing to do with my relationship. Just lots of people rubbing things in my face. Not necessarily intentionally. I am just finding things much more noticeable at the moment. There are some things that should just be quietly accepted and not continuously shouted about when it was over a long time ago and people have moved on. There is also the ever increasing number of woman getting pregnant and the trouble with being a parent blogger is that it is everywhere. I nearly bottled it last night and spoke to Helen from All at Sea about the possibility of either her or Stephanie from Beautiful Misbehaviour hosting today but then, I stopped. I thought about it. Of course! Poetry is the best way to get things off your chest – so that is what I am doing today. Whilst I am really happy for lots of people, it doesn’t stop the pain.

My Facade

There’s a smile in front of my facade
It may look easy but I’m finding it hard
You put it right in front of my face
It’s tough to find a happy place
I’m pleased for you, I really am
But how can I show it when I’m a sham
A lesser person of who I should be
Right now this isn’t the real me

You bring things up that happened long ago
Hammer things home that I already know
Like the Beatles, please just let it be
There’s no need to shout it continuously
The sounds so deafening. Thou protest too much
Your time is over, you ran out of luck
The essence of our life is change
So why continue? It just seems strange

I fight my feelings, I hide my pain
I’m hoping this isn’t all in vain
I’m trying to get back to who I am
I want to live my great life plan
I need to give my loved ones my best
I need to try and I must confess
I know that once these feelings subside
It’s all downhill for a happy ride

Victoria Welton 12th February 2014

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I would love some votes in the MAD Blog Awards please. I was there last year as a finalist and would like the chance to be there again. I’d love to be considered for Most Innovative and Best Writer. Please go across to http://www.the-mads.com/awards/ if you think I am worthy!

Prose for Thought
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16 Comments

  1. February 15, 2014 / 9:02 pm

    Hope skies turner brighter soon. I also love that dire straits song ‘why worry’ x

  2. February 14, 2014 / 4:45 pm

    Oh Vic, those “mean reds” are hard to deal with when they seem to try to engulf us. Adding my words to the words of support above and beyond – take deep breaths, look after yourself and sometimes you need to just put yourself in a safe place away from things that hurt until you can handle them again. Big hugs xx
    Mama and More aka Zaz recently posted..#AllAboutYou Link & Pin party Week 6My Profile

  3. February 14, 2014 / 11:12 am

    Sorry to hear you’re having a tough week V. Hope it all goes away soon. Remember the song “Things can only get better”? Or as Dire Straits once sang, “there’s always sunshine after rain, so why worry?” And my goodness we’re all looking forward to some of that aren’t we?! Your poem is one of your best, proving yet again, that poetry is great for downloading/expressing and our best work comes from the heart with feeling. You just can’t fake a good poem.

  4. Sarah Miles
    February 13, 2014 / 8:03 pm

    It’s crap, isn’t it? And bloody hard, trying to be happy when your heart is breaking.

    But, bloody hell, you face it head on and good for you. Strong woman, strength needed it seems. (But it’s ok to cry)

    Lots of hugs to you xx
    Sarah Miles recently posted..A bit of a no-noMy Profile

  5. Stephanie
    February 13, 2014 / 6:57 pm

    So sorry to hear that things are not going so well for you this week, stay strong lovely. I am glad you wrote, it’s sometimes hard to write when you are hurting but I agree it’s the ideal thing to do!
    Stephanie recently posted..Big JessMy Profile

  6. February 13, 2014 / 6:36 pm

    Glad you stuck around today, #prose4t wouldn’t be the same without your own brilliant writing as part of it. Sending more hugs xox
    Lisa from Lisa’s Life recently posted..Woof WednesdayMy Profile

  7. February 13, 2014 / 5:58 pm

    Aw – sorry to read that your life is on the not so bright side – all the best and lots of hugs!xx
    blueberetmum recently posted..Love is in the Air …My Profile

  8. February 13, 2014 / 5:53 pm

    It’s very hard to be happy for others when it hurts personally and you’re only human. I admire your bravery and honesty and I hope it helps a little. My sister and I have a phrase for down times, we call them ‘lowment’s’ (low moments) meaning they will pass but they can still hurt. Sending lots of hugs and hoping the ‘lowment’ passes soon xx
    Iona@redpeffer recently posted..A bit of warmth goes a long wayMy Profile

  9. February 13, 2014 / 4:28 pm

    Darling Vic I’m so sad to read this. You have such a lot of support out here too and please don’t forget that. It’s ok to be sad sometimes when life gets you down, so just go with the flow and let it out. Please reach out if you need anything, sending you much love xxx
    Dragonsflypoppy-White Feathers recently posted..The DecisionMy Profile

  10. February 13, 2014 / 2:52 pm

    Oh lovely, sorry to read that you’re going through such a hard time at the mo. Sending you a big hug xxx
    MummyTries recently posted..Meme: Desert Island DiscsMy Profile

  11. Emma from over at LIFE AS IT IS
    February 13, 2014 / 2:12 pm

    Continue to be brave Vicky. Thinking of you. x
    Emma from over at LIFE AS IT IS recently posted..Bullied at five.My Profile

  12. February 13, 2014 / 11:44 am

    Oh Victoria, I’m so sorry your struggling at the moment. Your poem is beautiful and heart wrenching. Hammer those words into the keyboard, keep going. I know how much you love writing, use it – as you clearly have, to help with that pain. Hope you’re feeling better soon hun xx
    Morgan Prince recently posted..A New ToyMy Profile

  13. February 13, 2014 / 9:24 am

    I agree with Maddy, I have never met you but you always come across so sweet, genuine, and lovely. You support so many out there and I hope that writing helps you find you. Sometimes things get off course but we have the power to steer them back again. May you get back to where you want to be! 😉 Lovely poem of emotions, written so well.
    Jenny recently posted..Poem 37: Valentine’s DayMy Profile

  14. Maddy@writingbubble
    February 13, 2014 / 7:59 am

    I’m so sorry you’re finding it tough at the moment. I know I’ve never met you but everything i know of you has made me see you as a lovely, genuine person who deserves the best! I hope writing the poem was cathartic and I’m glad you hosted this week. Xxx

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